Frequently Asked Questions
Actually I just made these up.
Do you sell anything?
No.
What do you specialize in?
Condiment trivia.
Are you a real business?
No.
Is your name really Dave?
Yes.
Have you ever been to Spain?
No, but I've been to Oklahoma.
How many dogs does it take to stay warm on a really cold night?
It depends. That is a question that requires a rather detailed answer. How cold? How much wind? How warm is your sleeping bag and pad? How big is/ are your dog/dogs? The general form of the equation is as follows:
N=Delta T*W/m*I
Where N is number of dogs, Delta T is the difference between your body temperature and the ambient temperature, W is the wind speed, m is the average mass of the dogs, and I is the insulation factor of your sleeping bag and pad. A useable formula using standard units follows:
N= (100-ambient temperature in degrees Fahrenheit) * wind speed in mph / average dog weight in pounds * (sleeping pad R factor + (100 - sleeping bag temperature rating/20)).
Plugging in some numbers let's use an ambient temperature of 20 degrees, a wind speed of 5 mph, an average dog weight of 40 pounds, a sleeping pad R value of 5, and a sleeping bag temperature rating of 0 degrees and we get: (100-20)*5/40*(5+(100-0/20))=1. Now if the wind speed increases to 15 mph we get: (100-20)*15/40*(5+(100-0/20))=3. The classic three dog night. Please note this formula rounds up body temperature from 98.6 to 100 for simplicity. I don't think the dogs will mind. That's the long answer.
The short answer is .. 3.
Do you have a raison d'etre?
No, but I've got some steak sauce. I think that has raisins in it.
What is a condiment?
It is something you put on food after cooking to make it taste better.
Is ANYTHING on your website actually true?
Yes.
What do you get when you mix ketchup and mustard?
You get something that looks, smells and tastes like ketchup and mustard mixed together.
What do you get when you mix ketchup and horseradish?
Ah...Cocktail sauce? Is this a trick question? You can also add garlic salt or garlic power, Worcestershire sauce or soy sauce, and lemon or lime juice for extra flavor.
How do you make that creamy white horseradish sauce they serve with prime rib?
That's easy. Horseradish (the prepared stuff in the little jar), sour cream, mayo, salt, chives, and wait for it....apple cider vinegar. Don't give me credit, go to an expert.
What happened to the country anchovy the first time he went to the city?
He got rolled.
How do you fix a broken anchovy?
Anchovy paste.
How do you make ranch dressing?
I don't know about you, but I buy that powdered mix and follow the instructions on the label.
How long does the new Chinese missile fly?
Found in trash can somewhere in China:
LONG MARCH HYPERSONIC MISSILE LUNCH SYSTEM OPERATION INSTRUCTION
Thank you for your purchase of quality CHIBANG product. We pleasure you greatly!
PLEASE READ AND FOLLOW ALL INSTRUCTION. FAILURE FOLLOW INSTRUCTION VOID WARRANTEE.
NO FREE LUNCH!
Alway use fresh batteree. Batteree not include.
1. Power on LMHM using switch under CHIBANG panel . Turn switch clockwise.
(Austrailia turn switch counterclockwise, accidentally demolition possible.)
2. Power on hand held remote using switch on left side. Lighing LCD display.
3. Enter target coordinate using keypad. + equal N/W. - equal S/E.
Please note: - sometime change to + due software. CHECK BEFOR LUNCH!
Do not enter your coordinate unless you tired living/feel lucky/deep underground.
Acuracy limit: 39 km (24 mi). Range: unlimited. Time to target: less than 45 minute.
Keep elderly dog cat children safe distance from lunch site 100m (3.28 feet)
4. Press LUNCH on remote.
5. Enjoy!